By Anne-Marie D’Mello
How to Save a Life
Have you heard of the song ‘How to Save a Life’ by The Fray? I love this song and it also reminds me of someone I grew up with.
Sophie* was someone I knew in primary school, but we became friends when we reached secondary. She was talented at languages, English, maths and had a sense of style that was beyond teenage trends and fads. We went to the Fire Station disco and danced all night, talked about music (we both loved The Doors but disagreed whether Jim Morrison was attractive), boys and the usual teenage girl stuff. Sophie to me was a bit of an enigma in many ways; I felt that she was a free spirit but held a lot back.
I came home from work one day in my early twenties to hear a message from Sophie asking me to give her a call. And I kept on meaning to call back but didn’t get round to it. There was no urgency in her voice or words, so I thought ‘I’ll do it later’.
A few days passed and I was clearing out my spare room when a mutual school friend called. Robert* told me that Sophie was dead. My first thought was why would he say that? I told him his prank wasn’t funny and expected him to own up. But his voice deepened and slowed; he said it again, adding that Sophie had ended her own life. I don’t remember much after that. Nothing really until the funeral. And I probably looked like I was functioning normally to others. I think I didn’t really believe she was gone.
Why didn’t I call her back? Could I have changed what happened? I asked friends these questions at the funeral. They told me that there was no way of knowing if Sophie would have even opened up to me or said anything at all.
Young people are now so much more aware of the signs of someone struggling and I am sad to say that before my life as a mental health nurse, I wouldn’t have been as attuned to these – and you don’t need to be a healthcare professional to know how to help.
A few years later at Robert’s wedding, a few of us who knew Sophie well found ourselves together, outside on the patio. I like to think Sophie was trying to bring us together and be part of his special day. We talked about her for a while, how she would have loved to see Robert getting married and probably doing some wild moves on the dance floor. I’ve stuck a pin in that moment in time and it is a special memory that brings me comfort in knowing that Sophie was loved. I still think of her often. Sometimes it’s daily and sometimes less frequently. I still have the ceramic fish she gave me when I moved into my first apartment at 18 years of age. She is still around, a part of my life.
Today I listen to that song with a mixture of happy memories and sadness that I wasn’t able to help Sophie. I take comfort in knowing that I have helped many more since her death. But I want to ask, do you know how to save a life?
To learn more about first aid for mental health, drop me a message, email annemarie@mindsmatterdxb.com or go to www.mindsmatterdxb.com.
- UAE’s mental health support line: 800-HOPE (4673)
- Estijaba helpline, Abu Dhabi: 800-1717
Or go to Mind’s online community for help and support.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or behavior, please go to the following Emergency Departments:
- Al Amal Hospital (age 18 or over)
- Al Jalila Children’s Hospital (under age 18)